Boxing with God
A year wandering in the wilderness sets the stage
for Michael Tait's latest endeavor, a new band with a mission
to see empty people filled.

2001 © CCM Magazine
By: April Hefner

Bandmate Toby McKeehan says he can light up a room in five minutes with his smile while Kevin Max compares him to a teddy bear. But in 1997, the life of the dc talk party, Michael Tait, wasn’t feeling very jovial.

He made a lot of money that year, "more than I could ever spend" he says. The "Jesus Freak" tour had ended, giving him time off before going into the studio to record Supernatural. The world was his playground, and for a while this snowboarding addict enjoyed a few spins on the merry-go-round.

"I’m a free man with money and time—not a good combination," admits Tait of what he calls his "dark days." "I went through a time where I dabbled in a lot of things. Dabble, dabble, dabble."

Round and round he went. Though fun for awhile, in the end he felt desolate inside. But during a trip to Washington, D.C., his hometown, Michael had a revelation that put him back on solid ground. "I was so empty, so lonely," he recalls. "I was like, ‘I would trade everything I have right now for peace of mind.’ I really wanted that. I heard God say—I’m not charismatic, but I felt this—‘Tait, I’ve given you everything to show you that you have nothing.’ I felt myself crying out, ‘God, please, save me from my pathetic self before I self-destruct.’"

  It wasn’t an easy time by any stretch of the imagination. Though armed with wealth and fame from dc talk’s successes, Tait’s personal life was marked by loss. In the past six years, his sister lost her battle with AIDS, his father succumbed to cancer only two months after an initial diagnosis and his brother died unexpectedly of a brain aneurysm. Two uncles also passed away.

"I felt this deep grief and loneliness, a longing for dad, sister, brother, uncle," says Michael. "I was in pieces. I was unglued. I felt probably one of the greatest forms of loss, outside of not being a Christian, that a man can feel. I was just like, ‘Come back. I’m not ready for this.’"

In the midst of so much emotional turmoil, the temptations of 1997 were difficult to combat. But after wandering in the wilderness, Tait’s epiphany that night in D.C. helped him re-discover what his life is to be about and set the tone for his upcoming solo debut, a band bearing his name and an album called Empty (ForeFront).

"If I play the game and I win the fame/Will I be the man I dreamed of?/If I woo the crowd and their screams are loud/Is it really me they love? What does it profit, what does it profit/If I gain the whole world and lose my own soul... Only vanity, vanity chasing the wind/I’m feeling empty again" (from "Empty").

"Knowing what I can be without Christ, and knowing what I even dabbled with in ’97," says Tait, "showed me that I have two choices: Come to the rock and be broken or let the rock fall on you and be crushed. If God’s got His hand on you, you can’t run. Your arms are too short to box with God.

"I think the loneliest and most heart-rupturing place for a Christian is to be running away from Christ... That’s who I’m talking to on this record. People who have that call but still have saucer-eyes toward the world.

"At the end of the day, Empty is saying, ‘It’s not a bad thing to be empty because then God will fill you.’ Every day I can take my cup before God and have Him fill it or I can try to get false fillings for it from everything else. And believe me, they’re out there: women, music, the wrong kinds of shows, all kinds of sin... I don’t think a man or woman will ever truly be satisfied and fulfilled until they accept the call of God. I want to share that with the masses, songs about hope."

Still, he readily admits that dealing with his own emptiness has been a process. "I have my problems. I still make mistakes. I still do dumb things," says Tait. "We’re all about getting and being content. But the pursuit of holiness is just that, a pursuit... I can’t do certain things or find myself near certain things because I don’t want to have the temptation realized."

Thankfully, his greatest temptations these days seem to revolve around a myopic focus on his new band. While dc talk watchers may expect a soulful pop project, Tait offers a bit of a surprise on Empty.

"I’ve always wanted to be the front guy of a band of guitar-toting, drum-slinging rock ’n’ rollers because my personality is one of such flamboyancy and energy," says Tait. "Rock ’n’ roll embodies and exudes all of that. I have a message in this music, and I want to deliver it to you three ways: quick, fast and in a hurry."

The band Tait formed from unlikely sources. In 1990, dc talk played at Oregon’s Bend High School with an opening act that performed covers of Mylon LeFevre and Russ Taff hits. Drummer Chad Chapin, now Tait’s roommate, and his brother, former Petra bass player Lonnie Chapin, were in that band a decade ago but only bonded with Michael after they moved to Nashville in 1996. Guitarist Pete Stewart (formerly of Grammatrain) not only rounds out Tait but is also Michael’s partner in Breaking Productions, a company responsible for producing an album last year from Heather Miller and an upcoming Larry Norman disc.

"I am so happy being in this band," says Michael of Tait, "because the only ego is probably me. These guys are jewels. When the storms come beating on our doors, it’s gonna rock us, but our foundation is going to hold us together... I have a healthy fear of leading this band, but this is one way God is going to grow me up. At the end of the day, it’s what I want to do, it’s what I feel like I need to do."

Currently scheduled to release July 3, the album is also receiving consideration from general market labels (since dc talk is no longer signed to Virgin, Michael is free to shop his band elsewhere). Though excited by the prospect of reaching a broader audience with an album of accessible "blue-collar worker songs," Michael knows from his experiences in dc talk the road that lies ahead. And as the leader of this band, he’s already casting a vision based on lessons from his own journey.

"With Tait, ultimately I hope and pray [people] see the gospel... People look for so many other ways to fill the emptiness in their lives, and there’s just no way to do it besides Christ."

CCM